Night of Silence; Chardonnay Helps Sleepless

We were so bored, so weary and totally unclear what we want to do.

There's no good movies worth watching in town. We skipped the idea.

We had our dinner, now brimming full of Ajisen Ramen and floating fried chicken in our tummies.

We sat lifelessly at MacDonald's, bored of the constant stream of people walking and all i had in mind was just some wine.

"Get up, let's go. We'll go to Y's house first to pick up the wine and clothes then to A's house to pick up another bottle of wine and a change of clothes then to my house to drink up all the wine." I commanded and as if there is finally something to look forward to, Y and A seemed suddenly more energetic.

So at my house, i found a cheque for two hundred dollars from a little 'experiment' i have done with a firm much earlier. Oh joyous joy! And we toasted and drank up all the chardonnay. We switched the air-con to 17 degrees to make my room a better place.

We laid down by the soft warmth of my star-spangled lamp and went through numerous albums with the likes of The Observatory, Nat King Cole and Bill Cunliffe and finally each of us drifted one by one into an unanswerable mode; fatigue overtaking the mind.

Me, unwilling to end the night so full of comaraderie and unspoken love for each other, picked up the camera and snapped a few shots for future remembrance.

Before long, i became way too drowsy and the shadows from my lamp started to dance little circles in my woozy brain.

Kiss Me, I Promise Not To Bite

Even if i sound desperate, i must say this.

I.want.to.be.kissed

I so miss the feel of a man's rugged stubble brushing across my chin and capture my mouth in one wild, sizzling hot kiss. My mouth would be his conquest and the yielding of my tongue would be his prize. Guy De Maupassant said "Do you know whence comes our real power? From the kiss, the kiss alone! When we know how to hold out and give up our lips we can become queens. I figured that to hold real power, to become a queen and in short, to be kissed, i need to strategize because i don't see myself going to be kissed anytime in the near future unless i employ the below:

1) Pretend to be drunk and kiss all the gorgeous men in sight.
I would drink just a pint of Hoegaarden and start to sway and stagger and aim for specific targets across the room and land myself on their chests then place my mouth strategically near theirs and make sure i don't emit mouth odour or burp.

2) Buy a peach and walk up to him, show him the peach and sprout:
"a peach is a peach
a plum is a plum
a kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue
... so open up your mouth
and close your eyes
and give your tongue some exercise..."
(then open mouth, wags tongue to show him you mean business.)

3) Buy a bouquet of flowers and give it to a male of my preference and when he is shocked into silence, tell him bashfully:
"Will thou teach not thy lips such silence, for it was made
For kissing, not for such silence"
(and start to kiss him violently.)

4) Walk up to a male brazenly and tell him:
"I would rather have one touch of your skin (strokes his arm)
one breath of your hair (strokes his hair)
one kiss of your mouth (seizes him in a wild kiss and after which you say..)
then an eternity without"
and walk away with the bold courage you can gather. I imagine it pretty erotic!

5) Eyed that stressed/health-conscious colleague for ages? Tell him that kissing is a good form of therapy and a passionate kiss burns 6.4 calories per minute. (This compares to 11.2 calories per minute you burn jogging on a treadmill.)

6) Go all woeful and tell your guy friends that you are inept at kissing and need some expertise on the subject and pray and hope that there will be one kind enough to demonstrate.

A good kiss for me constitutes of:

1) He should never look at anybody else while kissing me.
2) His kiss should never be wet and gooey! A woman shouldnt have to wipe her mouth after the kiss!
3) The kiss should be slow and the kisser should take his time.
4) The kisser should smell nice and delectable. Never ever kiss a girl after onion or garlic or vinegar consumption unless of course, if the girl has a special fetish for it!
5) Not too much tongue on the first kiss please. A little is fine. Afterall it IS kissing and not tongueing is it?

You Are A Juicy Kisser!
About Your Kissing Style:


Your lips are totally kissable baby, and you know how to use them.
You are the perfect - with the right combo of lips and tongue.
It's important to flaunt it, so kiss early and often on dates!

What Your Kissing Style Says About You:
You're 100% hot, and you know it. You're all about being sexy, all the time.
You have no trouble scoring dates or kisses ...
Just trouble getting rid of jealous people trying to show you up!
You attract attention from every hot guy and girl... even before you show off your kissing skills.

Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:
Go out with another Juicy Kisser and you'll be the power couple of the party. Sure, you'll have a ton of hot kisses, but only after everyone there has checked you guys out. Hook it up with a Romantic Kisser and you may have found your soulmate.
Romantic Kissers will be attracted to your appeal, and you'll appreciate their loyalty.

Keep away from Carnal Kissers! They'll just try to play you for sex, and
ruin your reputation in a heartbeat. And Freaky Kissers are way too wild and
rough for your style. You prefer pleasure to pain, thank you very much.

How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Determined by the Kissing Test, i am over 16. *smirks*


So desperate, i don't care. Living thing or not.

I Am Scared

I was just browsing through the web aimlessly and i chanced upon this site and some of the terms are so weird, i could die laughing. Check out some interesting ones below.

Did you know that fear of being enclosed is called clithrophobia? I figured not many men would suffer from this kind of phobia.

Fear of beautiful women is Venustrapphobia.

Hmm, fear of clothing (something men would love to see women suffering from) is Vestiphobia.

Fear of urinating?! Check out Urophobia.

Phallophobia - Fear of a penis, especially when erected.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th
Siderophobia- Fear of stars.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.

There are just too many phobias in the world! I am soon becoming phobophobia myself!

Bye Bye Mister C.

It is just funny how when the status is changed, things felt so much more different. Afterall, a status is just a change of name plus/minus the obligatory roles of duties that sometimes accompany it.

And we, my date and i, have both determined that we are not going to "make it" and broke up on amicable terms. Two years and god knows how many months of telephone calls, sms-es, smiles, hugs, hand-holding and tears brought to a standstill by that one moment of silent, inexplicable knowledge.

At that moment, i was propped on my elbows, trying to steal a peek at him and he was sitting on the chair, quietly perusing me. And suddenly he asked me a question.

"Do you love me?"

I contemplated for a long while before answering.
"I do not love you but i have great fondness for you. What about you?"

"I do not love you. I am attracted to you. But then again, i do not love anyone."

And then the time came. Because the hearts were laid so bare, there wasn't any excuse to continue lingering on any further. The thought of losing him as a lover and as a friend came so appalling close that me who seldom cry had to blink away a few drops of tears.

"Why do you cry?" he asked, knowing fully well that i seldom do and puzzled for his seeing tears.

Fact is i don't know. When you are this close to losing someone forever, then you will come to realise their importance. We ate my favourite fishball noodles and chicken wings in silent solitude and then wandered off somewhere to talk and let me fag my subdued spirit away if only temporal. We discussed things we never did when we were dating and i found myself memorizing his very long eyelashes i so love to tease him about. I never kept in contact with any of my previous boyfriends and there was this impending sense of loss that he would too, end up being just a face in my memory.

At the beginning, there was a brief sense of relief when we both reached a mutual understanding but what followed it, was loss and regret. As he sent me into the cab, i looked at his departing figure. He never looked back. As what E told me before, the level of attachment a person has towards you is judged by whether he turns back and looks out for you at the moment of departure. And he did not turn back. I concentrated on the journey that loomed ahead. I knew now that i am truly alone.

The ironic thing was that his toenail accidentally scratched my feet and left a wound - one that was throbbing and a constant reminder these few days of our newly-found status. He left me a message.

"Joyous flights of fantasy,
addictive emotions of ecstacy.
I want. I want. I want."

But we did not want we.

Right now, i keep myself positive by thinking "There is nothing a few drinks or a whole lotta fags cant fix."

[p/s: and i just found a photo of my dad's younger self. Behind it, it was wrote beautifully. To XXX (my mother), 莫忘影中人 From YYY (my dad). I never knew my dad had a romantic streak in him. Especially poignant.]

Collecting Letterboxes

While in my younger days, i collected stamps from all countries in all shapes and sizes, patiently soaking each used one in water till the stamp came out in one perfect wet piece and then hung each one out to dry carefully.

Now in my twenties, i found myself getting attracted to letter boxes instead, especially those with a retro flavour for they spoke of character, a life of news and 'contain-ment'.




All taken on 20th April 2005 as i wandered aimlessly after coffee in Kensington Park Road.

Listen to Mia Doi Todd if you have the chance. She is spectacular.

Look! No Nose!

As i am typing this entry, i regret to inform you that my nose is on the verge of dropping off. It is red like Rudolph's and i might not have the chance to salvage it further.

Before my nose drops off in entirety, i would like to tell it how much i love it.

Thank you Nose, for helping me sniff my food, so i decide what's good and what's bad and i can eat wisely.

Thank you Nose, for letting me breathe in the warm musky scent of males and raise my predatory instincts by a few notches and send delicious shivers down my spine.

Thank you Nose, for letting me have the chance to show my affection by rubbing nose with others.

I am sorry that i have allowed you to get raped by the multitudes of tissue paper, causing you to be sore and the nostrils enlarged from overuse.

I am sorry.

Bored

I need a date today. Or a couple of dates. I wouldn't mind.

And if you do not mind my cuddliness, we could go for a coffee or a tea or a beer and drink ourselves silly. [drop me a message - hellotwit at hotmail.com?]

Sigh, i wish i could spend my tuesday with Morrie but unfortunately, it may be just me, myself and i.

Decision Reversed

And i have long decided that one little twit shall be my anonymous online persona and i have spoilt it by meeting up one of the bloggers. Not that it was his fault. In fact, i goaded it - out of sheer boredom, wordly curiosity and perverse satisfaction to unveil the good man behind the blog.

And i was not disappointed.

He speaks good mandarin! Surprise surprise for me since most men i converse with are "gang-tangish" in nature.

He doesn't talk much! Which is fine with me since i myself can too succumb to silence when i am dazing, gazing, lazing and i do not feel compelled to talk just because he does and it made a very comfortable situation.

He lets me see his pussy! Which is a bonus because i get to play with his pussy, stroke his pussy even though it was by no means antagonistic due to its horniness. That i can forgive! [pussy = cat]

He lets me see the wedding videos he took! Did i mention i love watching wedding videos because more often than not, they instill a sense of romanticism and restore my faith in marriage if only briefly. And they were so personalized and made with care ... it made my heart ache in loveliness.

He made me realize. That i have never looked at planks more intensively than i had - about 30 minutes looking at the same old plank with fingerprints.

He cares for his friends! And i could see his look of anxiety when he is perplexed by the troubles his friends encounter in life and it makes me feel heartened that perhaps one day he might play exactly the same role and be an "Uncle Agony" to me.

He thinks of his girlfriend when she is not by his side! Triple bonus in one night, a major thumbs-up. Of all, i value loyalty in males.

Thank you C, for giving me the pleasure to know you and your pussy and extending the invitation to entertain my bored self while watching you work. It felt kind of good really, to know people on a personal level and be able to share in their lives. In fact i feel fucking exhilarated. I guess i'm really a people person.

And i can't believe it since my match.com profile has been approved. I have 13 msn males who want to know me better. This is crazy but i'm going to go respond to some of their emails.

A Twit's Life

To cut a long story very short, One Little Twit did something wrong and she is now paying penance for it.

She has been accused with the likes of "manipulation", "trying the shift the balance of friendship", "taking advantage of others' sweet nature", "jeopardizing our friendships" and also, no integrity.

*muses*

First time in my entire life, i have been subjected to a debasement in my character i never thought possible. First time in my life, i encountered someone who do not want to look at me in the eye nor sit opposite me for fear that his supposedly, self-proclaimed astute judge of character will prompt him to read further into my "deep complicated look" as he so put it and cause him to uncover things about me that he would prefer remain hidden to respect me. First time in my life, i met someone who, from the day he knew me, kept me at bay and tagged me with words akin to "Danger" and "Evil".

*muses*

I never knew i have such a haunting look. "Deep complicated look" sounds perfectly ... intelligent. It sounds as though i am scheming, cunning and a force to reckon with, quite almost a credit to a twit. Perhaps i should reconsider it as a compliment.

I feel i have been discriminated against. The debasement of my character, i have reasons to believe, also came from my past educational background even though it is now less than adequate. Having graduated from two good schools in the past seem to indicate i am a person, no more simpler than Hitler, well-tuned in the art of manipulation, deception and capable of deep, macabre thoughts.

I was upset. I am upset. Perhaps i should not put to heart the words of inconsequential people but yet i did. I kept replaying self-doubt.

Have i thus, sunk so low that i did not realize?

The obvious fact that someone would knew me at first glance could have found me repulsive seem to indicate a serious wrong either in the way i carry myself or the way i handle human relationships. But it hurts being stripped off any good qualities to a naked filthy level in that conversation exchange.

I am worthless.

I'm now going to tell you a story.

I was once young, perhaps about five years old. My paternal relatives looked down on my family, deemed us inferior in our three-room HDB flat compared to their uppity swanky bungalow. My parents told me "It's okay to be poor but we must be poor with integrity. The more people want to step on us, the more we have to fight and prove them wrong." And i made them proud initially by superseding my cousin, if not in wealth, in grades.

Now, i have nothing for them to be proud of me.

After the character dissection, i have even less to offer. In fact, i have nothing to offer. It makes me swallow tears to allow others to step over me and gloat and say "I told you so." But the most depressing comes from giving evil-doers an opportunity to look down on my parents as well, doubt my family upbringing and in turn, bring shame on the very people who scrimped their money to bring me to MacDonalds every weekend so i may never feel shortchanged in my childhood, missing out on what other kids had been getting.

You might even think this is exaggeration, to link people's words with so much further implications but it was almost as if i could feel scorn in his words, his disdain for my poverty but interestingly, he "look me too up".

It was never my intention to adopt a deep complicated look, to be a character filled with complexities; it was simply not a matter of choice. If i could be, i want to be someone simple with a big heart and easy contentment. I never wanted to be cynical, i never wanted to have to stoop to a self-edifying reflection of my character today.

I do not cry, i will not cry, i told myself over and over.

I shed my first tear. The rest restrained forcefully in me still.

One Little Stupid Girl

There are times i feel so fucked up and yet i know i should not let myself go because that would be the most cowardly thing to do but thinking about it makes tears come to my eyes.

One little twit befits me. I am the stupidest girl on earth.

Living Life, Find A Mate

And suddenly i woke up today, found myself dressed in an oversized tshirt and shorts and greasy hair in the mirror, i suddenly realised i could not wait for my weight to hit an all low to begin "living".

I dare not go for pilates, yoga, that salsa class, wakeboarding or even swimming because i do not want to relegate myself to being in a position when my tummy fats would spill over and make me look "layered" as Michelin boy is. This is not to say that i am not living life fully right now. I still go for my favourite movies, bought more clothes i have ever did than when i was thinner, wore the favourite big dangling earrings and bright sweaters.

I was convinced that a job change would only be in order when i am thin and beautiful. Afterall, i have always desired a job in Mass Communications or Marketing whereby body-beautiful is aesthetically important as part of the image because "you look the part". Right now, i'm stuck in my customer service job with no further prospect and finally have a chance at getting to go to Ontario for a brief training stinct before coming back to Singapore to begin a new customer service career, albeit a higher-paying one until i get my required qualification to do a total job switch.

And with that lingering thought in mind, i was absentmindedly reading through the emails until i came to one that says "Your new matches from Match.com". Match.com sent me 2 profiles which they think i would be interested in according to the criteria i had specified when i first signed up for fun 2 years ago. I just updated my profile and started surfing for like-minded individuals and seems like there are so many guys too good to be true and best of all, they are all single! (Anna!, we have hope, you can find one you like too!)

They are well-educated with the likes of graduating from US and UK, well-travelled and they have no physical expectations of the females stated! As long as the females are "sensitive, caring, sweet and share the same hobbies", these males are satisfied. I have never met so many more "funny, outgoing, shy, happy-go-lucky, considerate, bubbly" males within such a short period of time. But browsing through these introductions kept me amused the entire time. The introductions are supposed to attract a female's attention and induce them to message the said guy but ... well, they are highly entertaining with grammatical errors included.

Some try their hand at publicising their age to the public

"hi gals n ladies; i have 2 big candles and 4 small candles on my birthday cake last year."

"I am produce from a singapore chinese couple 27 years ago."

Some advertise themselves to a higher level

"when things go wrong and when sadness fill your heart and when tears flow from your eyes, just let me know. cause i want to be there for u. i am selling tissuse.Buy 1 GET 1 FREE!FREE!."

"Honda Civic became my chosen profile name because like the car, it best describes my personality - masculine yet sensitive, responsive yet unnerving with a little gusto that comes in a pretty neat package."

"To beign with I am a busy professional with a financial institution. Some will classify the degree to how busy you are to the extend of how successful you are. If that's the case I guess I must be very sucessful due to the fact that i seldom have much free time for myself"

"I am average looking but friends often commented on my gentlemanly looks adding that many parents will go gaga over someone like me as their son in law."

Some blatantly plead for love

"Just easy gg guy who is wondering whether true love still exist in this world. if love still exist in this world, then could someone show it to me..."

"well ... feeling bored, not ready to start off relationship yet but human seems contradicting sometimes, might hope that someone will just walk into my life."

Some expound their qualities

"I am a very active, sporty and adventurous, out-door going person. I can be very serious at times but friends describe me as a loyal, positive, down to earth, friendly and sociable."

"I am easygoing, humorous, intellectual, practical and romantic, energetic, witty and a conversationist(only to people that i am comfortable with)."

"I am very famious in my office and my fame came when I always delete the CGI files and problem with the mapping of the software application. "

Some state their reasons clear

"howdee...finally married my younger sister off today and having enough of the '' when is it your turn'' questions, i have the sudden impulse to turn myself to typical ''friendfinder'' websites in search of the female specie, (hey...I have enough friends of the male specie to count on)."

"To be honest with everyone (as I do not intend to cheat), I am married and separated now. Landed in this state as I was too kind to her and she took advantage of it and left with another man."

I'll let you all if i manage to snare myself a kind, sensitive, considerate, outgoing male.

Value Your Food ... Because It Is A Luxury

My mother has foresight or so i declare.

In one year which amounts to 365 days, she does not cook more than 50 days. And out of these 50 days, probably 25 days, she cooks because she wants to present offerings to the celestial beings, ancestors, heaven and earth. Therefore eating home-cooked food became a luxury and eating out a commodity.

Yesterday, my mother mentioned casually that she will be cooking dinner and enquired if i want to come back for dinner. I jumped up with an enthusiastic 'Yes!' and told her i'll be back early then. My mother is cooking for me! She is cooking for me! If she had cooked 360 days out of 365 days, you would not feel compelled to go home and eat because home-cooked food is always available. You could come home at 7 pm and your mother would tell you she kept some vegetables and soup for you. You could come home at 9 pm and your mother would tell you she kept some chicken and soup for you. You could come home at 11 pm and your mother would tell you she kept some soup and rice for you. In short, you could come home anytime and your mother would have saved some food for you!

But not for me, my mother did not. She made home-cooked food scarce and precious. She made me eat my $2 JTC "chai png" (economy rice) wishing that i am eating her turnip egg and chili prawns.

So anyway, i am going home early tonight to eat dinner. I get to eat that home-cooked meal because my mother is whipping up a table of offerings to the ancestors today.

Lo-mantic Notions

Oh my god, i am so slow but this is surely too sweet even if the girl feels traumatized. Presenting the 'NUS MA1506 Love Story' [courtesy of Zhi Qiang].

The girl may feel embarrassed by the unwarranted attention but this is an almost once in a lifetime thing. How many guys would bear such courage in front of the entire lecture hall? I think in time to come, she may be able to think of it more fondly and have a few good laughs at her own expense.

You know i was at this male friend, E's place today. As we were lying on the bed after a particular physically strenuous exercise (no, we didn't have sex), he started commenting that he is a really romantic person and would go all out to make the girls feel special and take time to prepare romantic programs to please them. The more he talked about it, the more impulse i have to giggle. Suddenly, i could take it no more, turned to him and told him "Well, i don't see your romantic side yet. A girl is lying right beside you and all you could do is fold your arms across your chest."

And he fumbled up with a weak excuse muttering "No lar, i'm cold ..."

But i could see that i deflated his self perception a little.

And anyway when i was leaving his place for home at 2 a.m, he even gave me a packet of rubbish to throw away although he did thank me for it. He did not offer to send me back because if he did, i would feel better. And i'm not that hard up for a seat in a car alright! I would decline if he would offer. If he would. As if he would. Even his security guard has more gentlemanly gestures and helped me flag a cab in the drizzle. I'm blogging now at 3.55 a.m and i bet my life that he has probably concussed and dead to the world, oblivious and uncaring as to whether i have got home safely.

Let me teach you a little, the hopeless males out there.

Being "romantic" does not entail only in lighting candles, buying flowers, giving presents, sms-ing, paying for her meals, wearing thongs and g-strings for her aesthetic pleasure and sending her home in cabs. There are general little gestures that could and would warm her heart considerably than the above.

Hug her when she is cold.

Give her a peck on the forehead or cheek from time-to-time.

Hold her hand when crossing the road.

Be concerned about her safety even if you cannot send her back.

Hold her when she cries during movies. Offering tissue is a bonus.

Telling her that you love her hairy arms and to please grow them back.

Laugh at her pimple but tell her she still looks very cute to you.

Snuggle up to her in bed and hold her till both fall asleep.

Watch a movie at home with microwavable popcorn (or make your own!) and coke light.

I know almost all girls are emotion leeches. And being lo-mantic is really an art unto itself.

postscript: Stats are a-jumping, i've been miyagi-ed (sounds like unagi man) and no, i'm not one of his "Chio-bu of the Day".

Get A Life!

I've been feeling a little out of sorts recently, like i want some change to take over my life completely and envelope me in a whirlwind. Perhaps i've been monotonous too long, much as people who do not know me deep down feel that i've been getting "more than a life" compared to them but truth is that i am sorely lacking in creativity and new forms of activity to indulge.

I've been contemplating a whole new life, one that does not include frivolous friends who do not mean a thing of what they say to you, a reprieve from the norm.

"Hey give me your number, i'll call you someday and we'll catch up from there."

and the call never came. It is not that i begrudge them for that one call but rather i begrudge the lack of effort in doing so. Of course i have to agree that there is such a term "overlooking" to which i am susceptible as well.

So i kind of figured out that not all kindly responses will be reciprocated in the same way, not all will feel kindly towards you as you to them.

So changes that i propose to make to my godforsaken life includes:

Creating a resume and start throwing it into all directions, hoping to land onto someone who is willing to hire me - to tell you the truth, i've never created a proper resume in my life. If you have an effective format, please email [hellotwit at hotmail.com] me.

finding an overseas assignment, i need a change in environment.

I think i would really like to work in the culturally rich places. Think of me posing beside Michelangelo's David, supposedly one of the most beautiful male sculptures, visiting the Louvre Museum in Paris, made even more famous by Da Vinci Code, skulking around the Pyramids of Egypt, do a hookah in Turkey a la the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland and not in Arab Street, watch a bull see red in Spain and so much more, i'm dreaming while typing this entry.

moving out - which is not really an option since i'm the only child and would probably devastate my parents with my choice.

taking up new hobbies

But what? Collecting stamps is not an option anymore! I figured the most popular hobbies nowadays are virtual voyeurism (i know you people out there are silently orgling at xiaxue!), blogging, creating viruses with strange-sounding names and plastic surgery. And perhaps some jizz-amo actions.

Meet more new people, get more wholesome friends.

Quick, get me a job, get me new friends, get me some hobbies and most of all, marry me so i may have my own house finally!

April Fools

My life could be pretty damn sad if i tell you on a friday like this, i am going to watch a movie alone.

But truth is - i enjoy watching movies alone, sometimes. It is just that streak of independence that comes screaming out and says "I don't need someone just to do things. I don't need someone if i want to go to the beach and catch a couple of sea breeze. I don't need someone to watch a movie i've been dying to catch."

It's just lovely to go shopping alone sometimes and do not depend on your friends' judgement by asking them repetitively "Nice or not? Nice or not?"

So here i am, hair washed and clothes donned, getting ready and set.

And i'm going to be at Zouk's "Very Foolish" event, see you there in throes of anonymity if you are there.